What it all means

It has been a month, 26 days to be exact, after my results of UPSC Civil Services came. To start off, let me put a disclaimer that this blog is neither a glorified write-up of my so-called achievement nor a showcase of my so-called stardom nor a philosophical discourse on my inner feelings. If ,at all, it appears like that at any juncture, sincere apologies are tendered.

My whole objective of writing this blog is to restropectively observe the underneath meaning of it. The exam, its attached importance, its hyped limelight etc all become backstage players then. On 04^th May, when I was anxiously browsing through the Final Results pdf, remembering God, family etc along the way, the only expectation was to see my name in the list. When my name’s hit happened at rank 339, I felt that something has been achieved. I was the first member in my family, considering even the distant ones, to clear the Civil Services exam. Add it to the grandiose status attached to the exam, more so in Bihar. Soon, the news spread to my parents, fiancee’, brothers, colleagues, family etc to my childhood-colony, school, birth-place, village etc. And it was all crazy, at least, for the first 2 days. So, what I craved for the last 2 years actually became real, and was manifested in many ways in the first 2 ways itself.

A month down the line though, when I actually have time to analyse it, what can I say all about this. Actually many people asked me (in both informal chats and formal interviews) how I prepared for the exams, how I managed to do it while continuing in job, what is my message to the youth & rural people, and what is my favourite food, colour etc !  But actually what I can convey, which has some persistent meaning and value, is the message of how I lived my life in the last few years.

For me, success is such a broad-term, yet individualistic,  term that no one can clearly define it. Otherwise success, and its progeny happiness, wouldn’t have been a Holy-Grail so coveted by all. Thus, I measure my success with my relevance. And the exams are one of the preliminary steps in my ladder of success, which I have constructed based on my aptitude, ability and interest. Thus, Civil Services can’t and shouldn’t be considered the pinnacle of all, and compared with any private job, any social work, any research etc. Each job is good, and each person, if living his life in his job, is equally successful.  For me, a mason dutifully raising a wall of a building on a schorching afternoon is as successful as a housewife selflessly raising her kids. A Tendulkar, an Aamir Khan, an Obama aren’t the only successful persons. A person who lives his life happily 24X7 is.  On the contrary though, the moment we start thinking whether we are happy, we loose the whole plot and become unhappy. Thus, our eternal quest should be to make a balance between what we desire and what we actually have. This has been the biggest lesson for me over the last few years.

And it has actually made a sea-change. I have started enjoying my Office Work, which I considered such a bore not many months back. The UPSC exams were not considered a do-or-die situation. The exam results are not the final destination now. Things are easier to say though, and I have also realised that I haven’t been able to implement more than 5% of it . However, the truth is that even by doing just 5%, I have got so much. I get goosebumps when I realise what I can achieve by doing 50%.

So, to come back to the original question of ‘what it all means’, I can only say- a reconfirmation of my belief, and a boost to my quest. Nothing more, nothing less. And this is the only message I can give: ‘live your life in your context; life is to be lived, not to do anything’. And I know, my words will win their authencity, when and if I can say these even if times of failure!